My Changes

I only started this blog 2 months ago. It has been a long two months, full of shit, and more shit. There has been a few highlights, I finally got a crush without feeling guilty about it. Which I tried to shut off, and in the process found someone even better, not that they know it.
This post is about the changes that can take place over such a short space of time. I know i'm different than I was. I'm sure other people are too and I think these changes are mostly due to the people that surround us. They can force us into situations, directly or indirectly, and allow us to realise who we are. Over time we're all going to change, it's a fact of life. But we need to make sure we don't lose what makes us who we are.

My Self-help

Well blog fans, I am back. You see I'm only going to use this when I have interesting things to write about and well for the last few weeks I haven't had anything. Today though, I saw a self-help book. You all know the type, full of easy answers and normally quite pointless as you can get the exact same information from your family and friends. More and more people are heading that way; to the books! Honestly and yes I'm probably being a little bit sexist here but it's normally girls who head to these books.
   But i don't see why girls are, for the most part, are brilliant. And maybe if they realised just how much control they have over us then maybe they wouldn't reach for the books. or if they had just a little bit of confidence.
    And this last paragraph is the most important and may seem a little random but it ties up. Both sexes can spend years trying to understand the other, but really there's no need. We're almost exactly the same. Guys are almost always as insecure as girls. Girls have, quite often, the same sex drive as guys. Honeslty we're not that different we just need to strip away the crap from the surface. But that crap confuses the other sex almost every time. So as i'm tired and can't think of anything else, I'll end with the only piece of advice from my father i have ever listened too 'don't try to understand women, try to understand the person.' This works for girls too just reverse the genders. Just try to understand the person you care about and it will work out better than just saying 'well just go shopping all girls love that don't they?'
stay tuned for more daily ramblings

My musical

This post is about another quest of self improvement. I pretty much want to have some basics skills in almost everything; you only get one shot at life, might as well learn all we can about it. 

My musical side probably developed a little later than other people. When everyone else got Ipods I was getting books. Now days on the hand, I am still Ipod-less, and still getting books but now I do have a slight musical side. and I do want to learn more about that entire world. 

    So the first thing to decide would be what instrument to learn. Definitely not recorder, for oh so many reasons not recorder. I've tried it I suck, end of story. Eventually I decide on something that doesn't involve blowing (not like that emilie you have a sick mind) mainly due to my asthma giving me crap lungs. I could learn the triangle...oh wait just did. but I want something I can use in later life, and have fun with so as I'm not very rocky or poppy; I've decided on an acoustic guitar. (plus quite a few of my favourite songs are played with an acoustic and i would enjoy learning them eventually) Now as I'm not particularly rich my first will be a cheap one, and I need to get a job to pay for lessons but that's all you need for life; a goal, a little bit of motivation and a song to help you through.

stay tuned for more tuneful ramblings. see you next time 

My serendipity

  Everyone reading this has almost definitely heard of fate and destiny, possibly serendipity- finding what you are looking for without looking for it. part of me really hopes that they're real because that way no one would end up alone. but i hate it because A) if you ruined it with that person you'd have no one else and B) that you'd have no control over your life.
  it's weird though because ever since I was little i've had this feeling that there's someone out there who'll change my life for the better and will be perfect but it's like i'm not allowed to go looking for her because it's against the rules or something. And it sucks because I'm single and I really wish i do find them soon. Because i loved being with someone because of that feeling when you hold them; your home, safe and that's what your meant to be, you have a purpose with that person.
quite a short post tonight so i'll add that i saw Scott Pilgrim, t'was totally awesome, wish life was like that.
stay tuned

My Love, their love

It's a funny thing isn't it; love. It's almost indescribable yet life wouldn't be the same without it. Those people who don't have it, like myself, want it almost desperately. Those who have it can easily squander it. and there many people who don't understand, who believe they have it when they don't, or don't have it when they do. So many people have told me to fuck off when I tell them they're probably not in love with someone, but you lot probably know they type, about 13, female (doesn't have to be female I know lots of guys who've made the same mistake), known the person they're 'in love with' for about a day.
    Me I don't think I have been in love. I have had a girlfriend, and i did tell her i loved her -I really thought I did- but I'm pretty sure I wasn't; things were often difficult and we would give up, love isn't meant to be like that who have to care about the other enough to fight with them, as well as for them. I doubt that every couple i meet is in love, maybe getting close to it, but many are forced to say it anyway not by the other side of the relationship. there's a sort of conforment that when two people are together they must be in love, which isn't true my sister has a happy, healthy relationship with her bf but is happy that he doesn't love her an she doesn't love him, they just care so much for each other and have fun together.
     I'm a bit odd with this whole subject, ever since I was little I wanted to find someone whom I loved, get married, and have kids. although now I know that life is not that simple I'm still looking and yes I have been told that looking for 'the one'at 16 is stupid, that I should just try to have fun but I can't. There's someone out there for me, I can sense it somehow
anyway that's enough rambling, stay tuned people
    

My New Year Resolutions

This will be a relatively short post tonight. I was thinking about how every year people promise to throw away: drinks, cigarettes or plan to start going to the gym. Then two weeks later everything's back to normal and their right back to where they started. I can't talk though really, I haven't ever kept 1 really but to be fair when I was little a lot of my resolutions were to become a pokemon.
     This year will be different, I plan to keep all of my resolutions. Mainly as many of them are about self improvement and I'm quite up for that at the moment. It's meant to get harder to change things as you get older so I want to change all the things I dislike about myself now and there are loads. So my resolutions for this year are: 1: learn to play an instrument (hopefully something sexier than recorder)
2: go to the gym a lot more
3: actually finish a book I start writing. (all my life i've started writing stories but never managed to finish one)
plus anything any readers might like to add
stay tuned for next time,
anyone want to post their new year resolutions, to compare or have a laugh about?

My invisibility

I'm guessing that at some points in your life you get the feeling that no one notices you. In my life, that seems to be my state of existence. It wasn't always like that though; when I was younger, like year 1-3 I was pretty confident and happy. People always noticed me and mostly liked me: adults because I was polite and nice, other kids because I was the one who would do stuff like shout the word 'sex' down the corridor at school (although I didn't know what it meant) or write my name in really big letters on the back of my work.
     Although as time went on I started getting teased and retreated back into my shell a little bit. By the time I got to secondary school I was petrified of people my own age, and either said nothing to a lot of people or never shut up. Plus the teasing got worse. In the first week of year 7 I had 2 death threats, and countless 'no one would care if I died'. I spent so much time dreaming I could turn invisible and avoid it all, eventually I sort of could. Not actual invisibility of course but I could blend in to the background incredibly well. Of course eventually this stopped working as well and I joined a group made some friends and began to act more like my old self.
     Now days, at college, I don't really blend in, most people know if I'm there or not ( I'm still pretty good at sneaking up on people though) but it seems the people I want to notice me most, and if I'm honest in quite a specific way still don't see me. I'm still invisible. If any still feel the same way, that no one ever sees you, please take the advice I'm to terrified to use; make them see you, who you are and what you could mean to them... if they;d let you
stay tuned ( if I haven't bored you to death already) for next time; My new year resolutions